pics from melbourne and tennis to go with the previous post.

pics from cairns to go along with the post that will be coming

The most incredible views of corals and fish in every color available!!

we followed the sea turtle from surface to sea floor. Incredible!!

this is Clare diving. They did not care about certification. (it's Australia! No rules baby!!) Lou and Jeff were on the DL because of asthma and health related issues much to their disappointment. Joanne, the non swimmer made a major accomplishment just snorkeling!

the group, we had 12 people and 3 guides, from all over the world.

Finally back on WiFi. Here's a post from our trip to Melbourne. We're a little behind and will get caught up soon. Also pictures will follow soon. It's arranged in categories so you can read the sections you are interested in and skip the rest. Happy reading!

Butchering the English language and the American Reputation.

Melbourne, Australia 1/21-1/27

The language:

Lou is an excellent speaker (especially in the driveway Rainman). However there has been much debate about his Aussie dialect. Jeff took every opportunity while in Melbourne to speak to the Aussies and ask whose “Aussie” was better. Jeff is convinced that Lou is totally butchering the language while Lou thinks he blends! Channeling Melissa Tomah, “Yea you blend!” We met a couple, Ann and Richard in a Pama restaurant (see below for translation of pama) who gave us a few rules about speaking the language. It’s simple: R’s and L’s are optional and cut out any unnecessary syllables. Here’s a guide to help you in case you are contemplating travels to this part of the world.

Melbourne=Melburn (first syllable accent)

Brisbane= Brizbin (first syllable accent)

Cairns=Cans

Jeff=Jiff

Handicapped bathroom=disabled toilet

The letter Z=zed

Tasmania=Tazzie (and yes it’s a real place  off the coast of Melbourne, with an actual animal called the        Tasmanian devil, which we’re told does not look exactly like the road Runner’s mate but does slightly resemble Lou removing his wetsuit)

Friend=mate, and there are multiple ways to use it. Our favorite being the drawn out Maaaaate with a descending emphasis and used along with a palm up hand gesture, which means something like, “you’re pulling my leg, or unbelievable”.

A mate from Tazzie-Kaba (short a’s, first syllable accent)

Good day=god-eye mate. This was the most hotly disputed phrase. Perhaps not compatible with Jeff and Lou’s native NYC accents.

You’re welcome= No worries or cheers

Good for you=good-on-ya (usually followed by the word “mate”)

Chicken Parmesan=pama (a specialty here that comes with chips not spaghetti. Chips are french fries, potatoes chips are crisps)

Lines=queues but don’t ever cut the queue in Aussie. Penalty is death.

Sweater=jumper

Regardless of the language, we love this country!

Day to day:

Everywhere we went, (especially if it involved beer) people chatted us up and helped us soak up the language and culture. While the prices are outrageous, the trolleys are free during the Open, so Lou and Jeff refused to pass up a bargain and took the trolley everywhere, even if we were only going 2 blocks. Why waste it! The men here must be secure in their masculinity. They use the word “lovely” in every other sentence and wear their shorts really short. Men wearing Capris, socks and sandals is not unusual. We did find a few similarities between Aussie and NY. A big one is that while taxis drive on the wrong side of the road, the drivers are still idiots.

Running:

We ran every day. The running was great along the Yara River and almost felt like home along the canal to Joanne and Lou, except for a few things, like all the crew teams that flew by us. Stroke, stroke, stroke. Lou was almost taken out by a girls’ team unloading their boat. What he was looking at??? Jeff took that opportunity to take the lead in the run. Good thing the guys had Joanne running with them or they surely would have gotten lost.  Lots of nubiles to distract.

Weather:

We got lucky! The first two days were very hot, but after that it was perfect. The weather, can frequently be over 100 for the open, but was kind to us at about 70-80. Sorry to our American family and friends! We know you got hammered with cold and snow!

Tennis:

By the way, we did get in 6 days of tennis which was our main purpose in coming to Melbourne. The first two days we didn’t have tickets. Lou and Jeff went by themselves those days and Joanne and Clare took in a museum and the beach. After standing on the queue at the open for 2 hours in sweltering triple digit heat the boys quickly discovered a flaw in the pricing structure. Families of 4 got a significant discount.  Never willing to pass up a bargain, they quickly developed a plan on how to be a family of 4. Jumping off the queue, Lou and Jeff decide to run back to the tram in a search to complete their family.  They grabbed 2 babies, whose mothers were looking the other way. Back on the queue, babies in tow, for another 3 hours.  Way to beat the system, saved $10 more Aussie dollars. I’m pretty sure there pictures now hang in the post office. After that the 4 of us had tickets for 4 days at Margaret Court arena. Great seats in the shade! Lou and Jeff kept their hats on low the whole time.

Win some lose some. We saw some great, highly stressful matches. After this week, there are two players who shall remain nameless as they contributed to lightening the weight of our wallets. Tomic is now dead to us.  Jeff spent some time chilling with his new mates, Margaret Court, Rod Laver, and Yvonne Goolagong, while Joanne and Clare rocked out with Keith Urban on the guitar and drums! Lou was unable to mingle and instead paced as he couldn’t take the pressure. We met up with Mohawk guy on the street but he dissed us for a photo. Maaaate!  

One day the guys scored some great seats from a former pro tennis player whose father coached Vitas Gerailitis.  They got 4^th row seats to the Serena Williams match. This guy’s claim to fame was he beat Boris Becker 3 weeks before Boris won Wimbledon at age 17. He claims Boris had a good serve but couldn’t get it in.  Vitals apparently ripped off his dad and never paid for over 4000 lessons. He is now one of 300 legal bookies in Australia.  His dad was not sad when Vitals died.  Still holding a grudge he gave us an inside tip which cost us 200 bucks. But he did give us a free program worth 20 bucks. So now they were down only $180. Unfortunately Lou dropped the program in the latrine claiming he had too many things he was holding in his hands. Jeff insisted that Lou go back and fish out the wet program. When Lou got back there it was already gone. Aussies are quick to snatch up a bargain.  Also lost with the program was the daily draw sheet. Determined not have this be a total loss, Lou and Jeff tried to negotiate with the vendor for a free program. The vendor was having none of that, however he did not know who he was dealing with.  They changed tactics. Doing their best Goodfellows routine, they asked if he loved his family. They walked away with a program and 2 pretzels! Score another $5. Now only down $175! And what’s up with throwing back the tennis ball hit into the stands?  I guess they have a limited supply?? Baseball rules in that area!

Culture:

We also saw the play ONCE. It was Jeff and Clare’s third time so I guess we have it call it thrice. We also saw the movie American Sniper. “Yikes” is all we have to say about that! Our last day here was Aussie Day. Lots of patriotism.

Accommodations:

We rented a small apt with lots of great features, the best being a washer and dryer. We did have to beg for towels though. When our towels disappeared one day, Clare and Joanne went down to let them know they were gone and the reaction was “how could that be?” with an emphasis on the word “could”.

They tried to charge us for an extra night to no avail. Instead Lou and Jeff did their best Abbott and Costello routine on the untrained night clerk who was no match for the two ex-New Yorkers. 3 nights free.

Food:

We continued our now well established tradition of eating our way through the country. We had lots of pama and chips, Asian food and gelato. We found a bagel shop close by run by a guy from Ithaca.  Small world! He couldn’t get the concept of actually HAVING bagels available for customers. Loads of staff but always out of bagels.  Maate? Only $2 for a bagel. Our first bargain since we arrived! You want cream cheese with that? That’ll be a $20 mate.  Closed on weekends but we got to be mates with Ithaca boy and got free bagels on Saturday.  Cream cheese now $40. Here you go gringo. We argued to no avail about the price of cream cheese and he barred us from the shop and the town of Ithaca.  He will henceforth be known as the down under bagel Nazi.

The week flew by, and when leaving for Cairns this morning, we got upgraded. Exit row seats! Yea baby! This is living!

 

 

 

 

Milford track. January 12-16,

For those just interested in the facts of our hike, we’ve included a summary below. Feel free to read, skim, or just look at the pictures.  For those that ascribe to the thinking of Jeff and Lou (Don’t let the facts get in the way of a good story), we’ve also included the poem written by the four of us and read at the last group meeting of the trip as a tribute to our trip and guides. For some unknown reason they singled us out immediately to write something to close with! Disclaimer-after a week together there were many inside jokes that might make more sense after reading “the facts” or may be best explained in person.

The Milford track is a 5 day trip through the fiord lands. The topography includes wetlands, dense forests, and rugged coastlines. It rains 300 days a year and Jeff hoped for rain every day and all we heard was that when it rained, the rock wall erupt into waterfalls and small rivers become raging rivers. Luck for us (but not Jeff) it rained the day before we started and not again until day 5.  Before starting we drove about 5 hours to Queenstown, attended a Pre-trip meeting and spent the night. The trek then started with a 3.5 hour bus ride from Queenstown to Te Anau Downs where we boarded a boat for a short cruise to the start of the trail. Our group included about 40 people, Kiwis, Aussies, Brits, Asians, and us Yanks along with 4 guides.  We had a short 1.6 k walk to Glade House, our first lodge, which got us used to our packs and poles. After afternoon tea we took a nature walk to explore our surroundings and were introduced to what would become our mortal enemies, the sandflies! We also learned that there were no native mammals to New Zealand. Only birds. The native Māori brought in rats as food. The rats quickly took over, and weasels were brought in to eat the rats but the results were that they ate the birds, a few species to extinction. Brilliant! No snakes Aunt Maria, also no poison ivy, or spiders. The sand flies were our only enemy. Dinners were always 4 course gourmet and tonight was salmon or braised venison. I’ve never seen salmon that color and we saw our first deer farms on the bus ride over. Very strange seeing deer fenced in like we see cattle.  Dessert was a fabulous apple strudel with vanilla ice cream. Our lodge was a 4 person bunk house. Bathrooms/bathhouses were communal and unisex. The level of intimacy was established early! Briefing meetings were held every night. The generators went off at 10 and back on about 6:15. Clothes were washed and we were fast asleep well before lights out!

Day 2 was a 16k (10 miles) walk from Glade House to Pamplona Lodge. The days started out with packing lunches and snacks, and a great breakfast. Day 2’s trail included many suspension bridges, wetlands, rock walls, lush beech forest, and waterfalls. Hobbit and elves would have been right at home with all the moss covered trees and waterfalls. We climbed up about 200 meters and arrived in about 5-6 hours, all still feeling great. Sandflies were not bad on the trail but murderous at the lodge. We stopped for snacks and lunch. The guides carried Milo (a poor imitation for hot chocolate) and biscuits and met us at the rest stops. Kiwi long drops (portal potty) were available at rest stops.  We stopped at the Hirere waterfalls and soaked our feet. Some swam the glacial fed streams but they were way too cold for us. The banter along the way between trampers included heated discussions like cricket vs baseball. Jeff and Lou established clear guidelines as to what constitutes a “sport”: it must involve sweating, include a moving object such as a ball or puck, and have the possibility of a fight. The lines were firmly drawn between the Brits and the Yanks. Our reputation was firmly established as loud mouthed, pushy yanks. The cry of a new “Jeff created” bird was heard all over the trail…KA-KA, KA-KA!!!

 

 

It became our Marco Polo cry. We couldn’t lose Jeff and Lou on the trail. Dinner was chicken and crème Brule. Jeff, always the wheeler dealer, talked Jun into chocolate ice cream instead and Lou, not to be outdone, got a second crème Brule out of Katie. Thus we continued to make a name for ourselves. Pamplona lodge was the best one. We had some extra bunks in our room so Lou didn’t have to sleep in the top bunk and bathrooms/wash houses were separate for men and woman. Every night we hand washed out hiking clothes and hung them in the drying rooms to wear the next day.

Day 3 was a killer day! It was a 15k (9 mile) walk up over 2,000 feet to a height of 3,278 Ft to MacKinnon Pass and then down about 2,500 feet. The decent was some of the hardest walking with towering rock cliffs and boulder slide covered paths, a series of 11 switchbacks covering over 2 miles, moss covered forests  and alpine fed streams and cascading waterfalls. We had tea at the top, McKinnon memorial which is a haven for the Kia birds who we were warned were skilled thieves. This proved true as one skillfully opened Jeff’s pack and stole Jeff sandwich! At the top was a porta potty with the best view in the world. The decent proved to be endless and the last mile seemed like 5! We hiked down endless steps over moss covered wetland alongside of the river and waterfalls. It seemed that every sign or guide that passed mocked us with false encouragement of rest stops and lodges that seemed to never come. I’m pretty sure this is where we left our quads and calves! We no sooner arrived at the lodge that Jeff had us drop our pack and head right out for another 1.5 hike to Sutherland Falls. It is the world’s 5^th highest waterfall. We were promised that it was a flat trail there but that proved to be very false! By the time we got there we were so spent that we took a few quick pics and turned right around. Quinton lodge had some extra room so we had our own bunk rooms. Dinner was wild mushroom soup, rib eye steak or cod and sticky fig pudding with butterscotch sauce and fresh cream. We all slept really well that night.

Day 4 was from Quinten lodge to MITRE peak lodge at Milford sound. The walk was 21 k (13.5 miles) over mostly flat terrains. We began by descending rocky hills known as gentle Annie to lush rain forest. We stopped at the boat shed for tea and milo. The bathroom gave us the true meaning of long drop as it was on stilts. MacKay falls which is a landmark on the track next to Bell rock, another land mark. Clare tried to stand up in there but it didn’t work with her pack on.  Lunch was at Giant Gate Falls since it wasn’t possible to stop at the shelter, which was inhabited by sandflies. The hike took 7 hours and we had to time our arrival so we got there in time to catch the boat but not so early that we had too much time with the sand flies. The last two miles were the only flat ones on the trek and were built by convicts in 1890. We caught the boat back to Milford sound at Anita Bay. We stayed at MITRE peak Lodge where the electricity stayed on all night and we had our own private rooms and bathrooms. Dinner was rack of lamb or cod fish with New Zealand famous Pavlova for dessert. Our final meeting included receiving our awards and the reading of our tribute poem. The bar was open!

DAY 5 started with packing and a cruise on Milford Sound. Jeff finally got the rain he was whining for all week. The sound is full of raging waterfalls when it rains. The fiord was full of seals basking on the rocks.  Dolphins and penguins are known to be there but we didn’t see any. After that we boarded the bus for an unbelievably scenic ride back to Te Anau and then Queenstown. Since none of us had the legs to walk back up the hill to our hotel, Jeff and Lou managed to get the driver let them off at the top of the hill. One last finagling by the yanks. Onward from there to Wanaka. Hopefully we will find our legs there!

 

Ode to the guides or the Rise of the Sandflies

Guides: Katie, Richard, Jun, Erwin

 

In the beginning there was only the bird,

Rats did come later, that was the word.

 

Rabbits came after, with ferrets and weasels

Then came the Germans, they brought in the measles.

 

 “This is our land,” the sand-fly doth say,

“And with your blood, you surely will pay.”

 

We were outnumbered one thousand to one,

Away from the sand-fly we never could run,

 

The sand-fly in-wait, lay cozy in bed,

Knowing that fresh meat was just up ahead.

 

This was their playground, we thought it a track,

We found out too late, there was no going back.

 

The guides gave us equipment, they gave us a talk

Most of us didn’t even know how to walk.

 

They tightened our packs, they adjusted our poles,

The best advice given was “Stay out of holes.”

 

In our guides, we easily put all our trust,

It sounded so easy, it was Milford or bust.

 

No more McDonald’s, no Burger King,
Never saw a Hobbit, not even a ring.

 

Come Katie, come Erwin, come Richard and Jun,

Milo and tea will be served before noon.

 

They lied about distance, they lied about time,

They lied about everything, and said we’d be fine.

 

We were eaten by sandflies, the Kias ate our lunch,

The guides planned it all, that was out hunch.

 

We all had some blisters, our feet were quite sore.

Richard’s solution, was for us to walk more!

 

Erwin was in charge of the scones and the drink,

He told us by 4 that we’d surely all stink.

 

So go take a shower and please use some soap,

The stink well come clean, that is our hope.

 

Jun was the youngest, just learning his trade,

He would be lucky, if he ever got paid!

 

Katie said Quinton Lodge was quite near,

But for us to get there, it felt like a year!

 

Richard said Southerland track was quite flat,

“Bullocks” is all I have to say about that!!!

 

What’s that sand-fly doing in my soup?

“The back stroke,” said Jun, “No worries mate, it’ll come out in your poop.”

 

Erwin said, that the Kias are kind,

Sharing your lunch, I hope you don’t mind.

 

They served us one night, it looked like a mess,

Richard and Jun, came out in a dress.

 

Seriously, we had some amazing views, 

The best one of all, was the one from the loo.

 

33.5 miles have come to an end,

To all of our needs our guides did attend.

 

We wish to thank them for all they have done,

It certainly has been a whole lot of fun!

 

So tonight when you’re sleeping all tucked in your bed,

With your blanket wrapped firmly up over your head,

 

In the distance you’ll hear a faint sound thought extinct

The cry of the Ka-ka bird, now quite distinct….

KAKA….KAKA!!!

---

 [jk1]

See you in 5 days!!

Tomorrow we leave for a 5 day hike. Off the grid so no blog until we return. Oh the adventures that await!

Eating our way through New Zealand

Day 3 Commissary Day January 9.

Kia ora!

 Today, Jeff and Clare were determined to make Lou and Joanne earn their keep. They were to take part in the Friday prep day for the 4 Pepe’s Restaurants. Six people were now squeezed into their small kitchen. “Moon landings” were not uncommon. Between the onions, jalapeños peppers and other various seasoning, we were all choking and crying like we were watching the movie Beaches. The assembly line hummed. Think Lucy and Ethel at the chocolate factory.  We were all clad in fashionable attire. Lou seemed to have a special talent for using the vacuum sealer. Only 1 out of 10 bags did not get sealed causing hot salsa to leek all over the ovens. So much for free labor. You get what you pay for.

When it was time to clean, the men were nowhere to be found. We caught a glimpse of a golf cart leaving the garage. Inspired by their commissary day, Lou and Jeff both shot in the 80’s.

And hold the phone, we ended the day by watching a little night shift.

                          

Day 4, January 10 Eating our way Across New Zealand

We set off today from Christchurch to Queenstown on our way to the Milford Trek, a 5 day hike. (Which we hope to get done in 3 weeks flat) It is a 500 km drive to Queenstown, which is a quaint alpine village. At the rate of our drive to Akaroa, this 5 hr. trip should take us no more than 30 hours. It’s a very scenic drive and the views include snow covered mountains, winding roads, and brilliant blue glacial filled lakes. We loved the views and stopped often to take pictures and take in the sights. And along the way we made sure to take the time to sample the local cuisine!

1.       We started our journey with 5 large bags of New Zealand’s finest black licorice. Nothing like the hard rubbery Twizzlers from back home!! Lou, a former Twizzler addict may have to move here just for the licorice. Normally a 5 hour drive. For us, 5 bags… hardly enough!!

2.       First toilet break. New Zealand is known for their meat pies.  Jeff’s experience with that pie bordered on orgasmic. The pie was followed by another NZ specialty, chocolate Lamington,

which is a chocolate sponge cake filled with chocolate cream and covered with coconut flakes. The ultimate twinkle.  Noises came out of Lou and Jeff’s mouths that we hadn’t heard in a while. We rounded that off with some NZ cashews, and threw in an American favorite just to ward off homesickness; Sour Patch Kids. We also snuck in 3 liters of Coke Zero to ensure further toilet breaks.

3.       Next stop was the town of Twizel. Lou thought the sign said “Twizzlers” and insisted we stop. He’s been eating way too much licorice!! While Lou was on a quest for the perfect Twizzler, we enjoyed the glacier lakes and beautiful Mount Cook.

We have never seen water that color before!! While we were in awe taking pictures, Jeff appeared with a big piece of smoked salmon stuck to his chin looking like a grizzly with his first salmon catch of the year.

We enjoyed it by the lake along with the views of the local men in their togs.

Clare wanted a pic of the 4 of us. Surrounded by Japanese tourist, Clare chose a Finnish couple who couldn’t work a camera to save their lives. We did have time to solve the tensions between Finland and Russia as we conversed with the militant Finn tourist. So much for peaceful Finns! The Miami “Dolfinns” would have made the playoffs if this guy was on the team!

4.       About 45 minutes down the road, Lou’s was wondering what we had to eat next so we stopped in the town of Cromwell. Home of the giant peach asses.

This ice cream made our mouths melt. They blend your choice of frozen fruit with vanilla ice cream when you order. Lou, joanne and Clare had mixed berry but Jeff had strawberry and refused to share as usual.

At the fruit market, we ran into a groom-to-be, whose friends locked him to an actual ball and chain preparing him for his future fate. Jeff took him under his wing and gave him a little advice. “Take my wife, please”.

 

5.       We made a short stop to watch some bungee jumping. This was the actual place that invented it and is the Yankee Stadium of bungee jumping! We found out a 93 year old man holds the record for the oldest jumper. And while chatting with (flirting in their minds) a cute young ticket taker, Lou and Jeff found out that anyone who breaks the record can jump for free. Much to their dismay, the girls asked if they would like to try to break the record while their young “granddaughters” watched. Taking it in stride and not willing to pass up a freebie, dates were calculated and reservations were made.  “We’ll be back in a year or two mate!” to their dismay, she did not get the joke and she booked the date. Lou thought he was funny, she thought he was 93. There was also a record for the heaviest jumper, weighing in at 250kg’s. At the rate we were eating, that record might be doable! We booked that for next year as well. Next year we go for both records-A daily double! As we watched, person after person jumped (or was pushed if they hesitated) off a bridge down to a lake below. The first woman we saw went head first into the water up to her waist. YIKES!! Unfortunately watching made our stomachs a bit queasy so no eats at this stop. Jeff did offer to pay for Joanne’s jump but she didn’t bite. Talk about spinal decompression!!

6.       Upon arriving in Queenstown, Lou’s stomach was rumbling so we visited one of Jeff’s favorite Thai restaurants. Once again, Joanne, Lou and Clare shared and Jeff had his own meal. (Although he did do some bartering for a prawn or two) We sat outside at a cute little table where cars whipped by, one taking out Joanne and her chair.  As joanne descended to middle earth, Lou sprang into action saving her plate and an argument ensued over who would get her last prawn.

7.       After eating we took a 10 minute walk around the hills of Queenstown. Clare and joanne looked at it as a beautiful 10 min walk while Jeff and Lou looked at it as a 10 min break in between courses. Almost faint with hunger Lou was very excited to see his first Starbucks where we enjoyed some lattes and biscotti. Back at the hotel, Jeff bragged about the great room rate he got however we immediately noticed that they locked the bathroom having discovered he was sneaking in two women. Sign on the bed, “Use the toilet down at the petrol station mate.” Not dismayed, we looked at it as an opportunity for more Laminations and possibly a meat pie. Later, Clare and Joanne sat on the balcony, enjoying the view but had a hard time conversing over the deafening sound of Lou and Jeff’s snoring, who fell asleep immediately upon arriving. More than likely in a food coma! Jeff and Lou, always looking for a deal, will switch hotels tonight. Booked a room for 1 at their sister hotel. Also planning a trip to the multiplex cinema.

Kia ora!!
 

First kiwi adventures

Kia Ora!

The long leg of the trip went well. The only glitch being that the seat in front of Joanne was broken and reclined back too far making the already cramped space even smaller. Lou tried reasoning with the woman in the seat but we decided it best not to get into a fight while on a 13 hour flight! (In the “fight or flight “scenario we chose to “flight”!) Aside from that, everyone at New Zealand air was great.  Check out the inflight instructional video!https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q

DAY 1.  January 6th. The last flight was a short one and we arrived in Christchurch, New Zealand at about 10:30 AM, 35 hours after leaving home. Jeff and Clare were waiting and we walked out to beautiful summer weather. We were tired from the journey but we didn’t feel jet lag and were excited to be there!  We dropped off our luggage, toured the house, which is on the golf course and across from a wooded park. Keeping in mind that this was Jeff we were visiting, we strapped on our hiking shoes and went for a 10k hike to the beach within an hour of arrival! The water is an amazing combination of greens!  Lou and Jeff then hit 10 holes of golf culminating in one par on the 10^th hole. (We won’t say who got it but it was Jeff) Clare and Joanne sat and chatted. We enjoyed our first meal of Pepe’s  ( Jeff and Clare’s restaurant) and managed to stay up until about 10 PM visiting.

 

Day 2 Jan 7-A rest day! We headed off to Akaroa, a small French Village about an hour and a half from Christchurch.  The road was scenic with lots of sheep on winding mountain roads. There were some issues with directions (Jeff wanted to go one way, Clare knew the right way, so we went Jeff’s way) Three dead ends later (due to continued earth quake reconstruction) we turned around.  No worries mate, things take time around here. Back down the hill, (still some tension between Jeff and Clare over directions) we continued to work our way toward Akaroa. (remember real men don’t take back seat directions). We then went from lost to REAL LOST. At this point we started to run out of petrol. (That’s gas to you Yanks) We had to come up with a plan because we only had 6 hours of daylight left. Jeff’s plan: coast in neutral and ride the brakes down the hill to save petrol.  About 10k’s later, Jeff was insisting that what we smelled was sheep poop while the rest of knew the deference between sheep poop and burning brakes. Eventually we reached the bottom of a long hill, brakes smoking. Getting out of the car, we realized we were in the middle of nowhere. (And a New Zealand nowhere is really nowhere!) The only thing in sight was an old deserted church and an ancient cemetery. While Joanne and Clare went into the church in search of a bathroom and to pray for guidance, Jeff and Lou wandered the cemetery contemplating death. Eventually the guys decided to break the “man code” and set off to the closest farmhouse to ask directions.  The lady of the house invited them in for tea and dessert.  Meanwhile the girls were still back at the church now desperately praying for a place to pee.  Lou and Jeff, over pudding, find out that it’s 20 km (that’s 12.4 miles to you Americans) to the closest petrol station. “Can you handle it?” she says. “It’s a one lane gravel road straight down, and if you encounter another car, you have to do your best to move over.” Man pride kicks in. “Of course we can handle it WE’RE FROM NY, we are excellent drivers”. (Channeling Rainman while inwardly thankful there was only one lane so we wouldn’t have to worry about driving on the wrong side of the road.) About 10k’s later, we encounted our first car.  All of Joanne and Clare’s praying paid off as it was the only spot on the hill that had a small area to pull over. We pull over as directed and stopped to converse with the driver.  He smiles at us and we realize something was missing. We estimate about 28 teeth. 

So much for universal health care.  Friendly fellow but cue the banjo music to deliverance and before we started squealing like pigs we got out of there! Finally we reached paved road, filled up with petrol, crisis averted. She’ll be right mate! On to Akaroa! An hour and a half trip, done in 5 hours flat.  (Cue the music to Gilligan Island.) No worries! It’s all part of  the Kiwi experience!  Had world rebound fish and chips at an ocean front restaurant.  Hit the “cue” just right, beating the line of 3000 cruise ship passengers just off the Princess ship.  (#1094 your order is ready!) We did have to go back to the beginning of the line to get ketchup. (Not really ketchup but a sweet tomato sauce) but luckily we could read the newspaper wrapped around the fish while waiting. We did look for Al and Crystal amongst the cruise passengers but no luck or they saw us first.  After major “discussion” amongst the crew, we decided to go back a different way. By the way, petrol here is approximately $7 per gallons and as you could see, a long way between stations, so fellow Americans, stop complaining about gas.  You have a station at every corner at half the price. We had dinner safe-and-sound back in Christchurch at a Tai restaurant. We sh’ant go hungry here!

Day 3 January 8th. We started the day out with our first New Zealand run through a wooded forest. Clare stayed back on this day so Jeff’s keen sense of direction did not get challenged. Jeff’s now Hobbit sized feet are more accustomed to running in the shire than we are so Joanne especially was slowed down by the ever changing floor of sand, rocks, logs, and pine of the shire. Great run!  Jeff is on the recovery trail from achilles tendonitis so he had a personal best of 11 minutes per mile on the first mile! Eventually he rose to the occasion and caught up to Lou leaving joanne behind to get mauled by an overly friendly dog. I believe she heard the owner call him Kujo!  Lou and Jeff followed the code of “I don’t have to out run the dog, I just have to out run the slowest person”. Joanne considers the scratches and bruises her NZ tattoos and wears them with pride!

Next Lou had his first Thai massage. The custom is clothing optional. The cultural divide showed when Peter was completely naked while Lou showed up in full body armor. While Pete and Lou had their massages, Joanne and Clare enjoyed the hot tub. The 80 year old men of the golf course enjoyed the view.

Lou then created his specialty for a family dinner: eggplant parmesan. (Aubergines to the kiwis) Lou swore to Jeff, who does not let veggies touch his lips, that it wouldn’t taste like eggs or plants so Jeff decided to try it. Pretty sure we won him over. Had a relaxing, though far from quiet dinner with the family. There were 9 of us including two sedate grandchildren.

 

Lou and Jeff did get a round of golf in there between making and eating the aubergines and Lou got his first par in NZ but is still selling his clubs due to the other 17 holes he played.  Lou, who is not a club thrower, did not hesitate to throw his first clubs since they did not belong to him.

Finished off the day with one of Lou and Jeff’s favorite movies, My Cousin Vinny-a Classic in any country. “A simple in and out procedure!”

Kia Ora